blog.albush.com

Hey Time Warner Cable: El Paso != San Antonio

Let’s start this post out with a given: Time Warner Cable is horrible. They have a really, really limited software interface for their digital cable boxes. I’m not sure if they have updated their UI since the 90s. Every other cable/satellite provider I’ve ever used has a feature set that completely outstrips TWC. 

At the same time, services like Netflix and Hulu Plus have made it possible for my family to consume our entertainment by streaming from the internet. Paying TWC for both internet and a crappy cable experience seemed a bit dumb, so my wife and I “cut the cable.” We’re super happy with that decision; maybe I’ll post more on that later.

Part of the process of “cutting the cable” involves returning all of TWC’s equipment back to them, so that they can push it on other, unsuspecting fools. I knew I needed to return the equipment, but not where I needed to return it. I’m a web savvy guy, so I searched their website, and found nothing remotely helpful. Here’s the results for the query “equipment return location.” Nothing useful there. 

Next up, let’s try the live chat. My question was simple, especially for someone who works there, and, in theory, has access to these mythical equipment return locations.

So, I was wrong about one thing: El Paso is actually 8 hours away, not 6. How does that happen? Does TWC not have a tool for their reps (or better yet, me) to use to input one zip code, and find the nearest equipment drop-off center? Or are the reps just dumb? Here’s a map, to show just how far off they were.

Absolutely ridiculous. The chat rep eventually gave me a location that was actually only 2 miles away. Great, right? well, not so much… That location doesn’t take back equipment. They were nice enough to point me in the right direction. 

I finally got everything returned, we’re now completely cable free. It turns out that the entire reason I couldn’t find a “return” location is that TWC is so insecure that they don’t want to list anything on their website that might even acknowledge the fact that someone might cease to be a TWC customer. So don’t do that. People have to stop using services all of the time. Sometimes even for reasons other than the service being crappy and nearly unusable. 

Possible Chupacabra Sighting

Residents of Alamo Ranch Apartments Building 16, please be on the lookout for a Chupacabra. I have not seen the beast itself, but I have, on several occasions, been forced to step over animal droppings at the bottom of the steps to our fair building. Living in such close proximity to the dog waste disposal station - 10 yards away - I can draw only two possible explanations as to why I would find animal droppings at the bottom of the steps to our fair building:

1. One or more of my neighbors is a jerkface that is too lazy to bag and transport his or her animal’s droppings ten yards to the waste station; or
2. There is a Chupacabra in the area, defecating wherever he pleases.

Since none of my neighbors are jerkfaces, the only logical explanation is that we have a wild Chupacabra running around the apartment complex.

So, please, residents of Alamo Ranch Apartments Building 16, be careful when you take your dog out at night. If the Chupacabra doesn’t get you, you might accidentally step in his droppings.